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I wondered what made me a chef. My ability to cook or my undying need to eat. I always believed the latter suited me better.

I stumbled through Clarke Quay one night-mildly intoxicated. Tripped over the pavement outside ‘One Nite Stand’ and wondered if food was still being served? Got a really good look at the menu and with the assistance of a sober server did I realize that the kitchen was closed. My attempt at small talk and possibly a night of wild sex came crashing when I realized it was a guy I was talking to and not some voluptuous vixen my mind wanted me to believe he was. And there goes my thoughts of me being ‘mildly intoxicated’.

I desperately needed food. If I at the very least knew that my night held promises of mind blowing copulation, I would have skipped supper, and quite possibly breakfast and lunch. But something about that 3 am that day told me I was in for a very quiet night- morning and afternoon included.

I realized that I had to sacrifice my gold-plated ‘chef-tongue’ and eat like the rest of the locals-Got into a cab I did!

Just before Orchard Towers came rambling out, I managed to squeeze out ‘Lau Pa Sat’. Heaved a huge sigh of relief and buckled my seatbelt.

The place was jostling. It was probably the craziest crowd I have ever seen at a single food center my entire life. And after further investigations, I can safely say, the pricing of the food that were available that night would have made the Shangri La sound cheap. Had my 5 dollar chicken rice and 6.50 worth of rojak and (brace yourself) 18 dollars worth of satay all 9 skewers of them been any good I would not be penning my agony to you right now.

The food was shit but, I guess it did the job. Well I don’t really see much of a point in whining about it a week after being raped, but now I know where not to go.

So the lesson being is either get laid or find the nearest 7-11. You can’t really go wrong! Am getting laid now, so… Bugger off! Cheers.

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rukesh is chef with a passion for writing & people. Smokes viceroy menthols & drinks basically anything worth drinking.
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